What's the end game?

Knowing I would have a job waiting for me after wandering through Europe for six weeks gave me confidence my journey wouldn’t ruin me financially and certainty it was happening. It felt real, and I became comfortable telling friends, family, and coworkers more broadly that, come September, I’d be flying across the globe to walk the Camino de Santiago, a pilgrimage of 500 miles by foot across Spain from the French border to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela and beyond to the Atlantic coast.

Reactions varied widely. Many got it right away, and I’ve had multiple deep, encouraging conversations with those friends and colleagues. On the other hand, the responses from those who didn’t quite understand are the ones that perhaps have been the most important prompts to stimulate my personal reflections and considerations on my motivations and plans:

“What made you wanna do that?”

“Is this penance for something?”

“Do you think you can walk that far?

“You’re gonna come back so fit!”

“I wanna go to Spain too but not where you’ll be.”

“You need to go to Barcelona!”

“One night in Madrid is not enough.”

The questions and comments are fair. I recognize I’ve been thinking about the Camino for years. I’ve reviewed countless firsthand accounts at this point. I’ve watched films. I’ve listened to over a hundred podcast episodes, most of which include an interview with a pilgrim describing their motivations and experiences. I’ve also spoken directly with pilgrims who’ve walked to Santiago. Collectively, these have further motivated me. I can’t expect every one to have the same understanding of the Camino and why it calls me.

One more question I received came from a close friend. “So what’s the endgame? Is this about being an influencer?” This one surprised me and hit me deeply because it came from a friend who knows me well.

This friend loves Europe and history and has been excited about my journey. While my plan has been to walk the Camino alone, I’ve also expressed an open invitation to friend and family that if anyone wants to meet me along the way, they are welcome to do so, while also making it clear that my itinerary is generally set.

The friend decided he will travel to Europe around the same and expressed interest to overlap with me towards the end of my trek for a few days or so. He asked about my plans and return flights, including the days after Santiago. I shared that after Santiago, I’ll continue walking a few more days to Fisterra, spend a couple days there, then take a bus down to Porto for a couple more days before flying back to California.

The response, paraphrased, came down to “Why Porto? Let’s do Lisbon. It’s a lot more fun.”

I explained I anticipated I’d be in a contemplative mood, and that spending time in a quieter town would likely be better, to allow me to reflect and write in my journal. I also already reserved what appeared to be a beautiful room with a lovely view of the Douro River.

“Won’t you be writing in your journal for a month? What’sthe end game?”

I was dumbstruck in the moment, surprised by the question. Igave a short response about personal reflection and growth, and theconversation moved on, but the question stuck with me. That I didn’t have readya satisfactory response ready to go stuck with me too.

I reflected on the question over the next couple of days,which also prompted me to write this entry.

As I’ve thought about, where my reflections have coalescedis that I don’t know, and that’s OK. I feel called to go on thiswalk. I’m motivated to maintain an open heart and mind while I’m on thejourney. While I do anticipate something will change within me, I really can’tsay what it will be, and I think that’s OK.

I can envision having epiphanies about parts of my life.Maybe I’ll have clarity on things I’ll realize I need to change or dodifferently. On the other hand, I may also gain confidence to keep doing whatI’m doing in other areas of my life. That is, in those cases, the epiphany maybe to remove doubts and increase certainty and confidence to keep going.The important thing, to me, is that I go in with an open heart and mind, andthat, if I hear God’s voice, that I don’t harden my heart.

I’ve been working on journaling and capturingthese thoughts leading up to September 4 when I depart. I think it will beenlightening to be able to go back and read my thoughts in the months ofanticipation along with the journal entries on the Camino itself.